The music is off. The friends are gone and this will be my first night having my hostel almost all to myself. The silence is not only necessary, but acts as a blanket around my entire body. This week has been the hardest one, so far. I have no cool stories or lines for sympathy. I find it completely obnoxious to complain living next slums and knowing what I know about our decaying world. Where does this leave me?
If you don’t mind I will use this break to be honest with myself.
I have let living next to such poverty become a claustrophobic burden. I am at “that point.” The one everyone forewarns you about; the one that hits no matter how long you strive keep it way. Well, congratulations, I’m there. How much longer can I walk by the same slums, letting my heart break each time? Wasting food, over eating, laziness, snacking, electricity, heating, water… are hard to swallow. Visiting our kids only when we “have time.” Dropping them off at their homes (some would call slums) and having to leave them there. How do I reconcile? How do I justify? This is the bottom line I can now say with confidence after help from parents, Compassion (the book), Jordan, friends, and Eph 4 (thanks Lynn); it is this, I am free in Christ. I am free in Christ. I am free in Christ. You are free in Christ. We are free. I cannot live in fear of these realities because then no action is produced and then my heart is broken in vain. RATHER, dear friends I will fight…in love, in touch, in prayer (lots of prayer), in time, in hugs, in food, in knowledge, in listening. These are my tools I have been given to fight injustice. What do you have? What will you do? Who will you fight for? Or will you fight at all?
We have had some great days of no power and I have seized the time to be with the Lord in meditation and I must tell you this. Life is hard, whether struggling to pay for school in San Diego or India; whether denying yourself cheap pleasures in Vegas or Spain; whether crying over lost relationships in OC or South Africa. Listen! Please understand this does not lessen your issue or struggles, as I once thought. No! Christ is saying there is more! There is a choice TO LIVE (that is active) FREE.
“Man is born free but everywhere he is in chains.”
Jean Jacques Rousseau
Sorry to be so long winded, but that just flowed and hope you followed. Thank you each one of you for believing in me and loving me enough to support me here, where I am. You will not be forgotten. My love for you increases daily as I feel I need each one of you more. In honor of India’s Independence Day tomorrow I leave you with, “shanti, shanti, shanti.” (Sanskrit: peace, peace, peace)
P.s. more pictures to come...and don't know why this is underlined
If you don’t mind I will use this break to be honest with myself.
I have let living next to such poverty become a claustrophobic burden. I am at “that point.” The one everyone forewarns you about; the one that hits no matter how long you strive keep it way. Well, congratulations, I’m there. How much longer can I walk by the same slums, letting my heart break each time? Wasting food, over eating, laziness, snacking, electricity, heating, water… are hard to swallow. Visiting our kids only when we “have time.” Dropping them off at their homes (some would call slums) and having to leave them there. How do I reconcile? How do I justify? This is the bottom line I can now say with confidence after help from parents, Compassion (the book), Jordan, friends, and Eph 4 (thanks Lynn); it is this, I am free in Christ. I am free in Christ. I am free in Christ. You are free in Christ. We are free. I cannot live in fear of these realities because then no action is produced and then my heart is broken in vain. RATHER, dear friends I will fight…in love, in touch, in prayer (lots of prayer), in time, in hugs, in food, in knowledge, in listening. These are my tools I have been given to fight injustice. What do you have? What will you do? Who will you fight for? Or will you fight at all?
We have had some great days of no power and I have seized the time to be with the Lord in meditation and I must tell you this. Life is hard, whether struggling to pay for school in San Diego or India; whether denying yourself cheap pleasures in Vegas or Spain; whether crying over lost relationships in OC or South Africa. Listen! Please understand this does not lessen your issue or struggles, as I once thought. No! Christ is saying there is more! There is a choice TO LIVE (that is active) FREE.
“Man is born free but everywhere he is in chains.”
Jean Jacques Rousseau
Sorry to be so long winded, but that just flowed and hope you followed. Thank you each one of you for believing in me and loving me enough to support me here, where I am. You will not be forgotten. My love for you increases daily as I feel I need each one of you more. In honor of India’s Independence Day tomorrow I leave you with, “shanti, shanti, shanti.” (Sanskrit: peace, peace, peace)
P.s. more pictures to come...and don't know why this is underlined
1 comment:
i love you katrina, and i am so excited for this journey of ours!
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us "
namaste
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